Some real groaners in this one.
25 Classics:
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Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
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What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
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Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
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Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
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If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
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Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
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A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
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I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
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Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
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How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
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I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
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My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
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I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
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Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
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Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
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When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
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Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
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Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
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Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
20.I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
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I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
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What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
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I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
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What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
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I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
Hopefully human rights are written on the back.
Not quite the point, is it?
