Bad Gags - Do your worst

Not wanting to spoil the thread for genuine funny stuff I thought it might be a good idea to start a “thief of bad gag” type thread. So let’s see how it goes, i’ll start off with:-

I would really like to visit Holland sometime, wooden shoe ?

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction…
Or, I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now…

I heard about someone who applied for an accountancy internship with Meat Loaf and failed the interview. He said, “I’ll do anything for love, but I won’t do VAT.”

Bad gag? Pube stuck to your tonsil…

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Patient: Doctor doctor ! , Doctor **DOCTOR !
Doctor: What’s up ?
Patient: Doctor, I can’t feel my legs !!!
Doctor: Well of course you can’t feel your legs, I’ve amputated both your arms.

Doctor: I’m afraid it’s terminal.
Patient: Oh god - how long have I got left?!
Doctor: Ten…
Patient: What, days? Weeks?
Doctor: Nine…

My wife – it’s difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore.

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Interesting. I’ve heard she’s married to a pheasant plucker.

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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…

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image

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I’m sorry but I don’t think this really qualifies for this thread. I’ve seen this several times on the “this made me laugh” thread ont’t’other forum. It’s not really a BAD GAG !

I recently had to sell my vacuum cleaner… it was just collecting dust.

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Continuing the Tim Vine vein:

I went to start a yoga class. The instructor said “how flexible are you?” I said I can’t do Tuesdays…

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Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery to nick some bottles for a session…
Daffy asks “Isth thiss Whiskey?”
Elmer replies “Yggd…Yggd… yes it is! Bbb bbb but n n n not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!!!”

a masochistic and a sadistic discuss.
The masochistic says “Hit me!”
The sadistic says “No”.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic born again christian ?
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He found his dog.

Liz Truss’s “Fiscal Event”