Well I thought I’d start this subject as I’ve truly won it! It’s starts with a glass of wine, maybe two 
, or was it three……? So after 18 months of BMW R9T ownership I needed to service the bike and it’s the first time I’ve done this one. I tend to do what’s important vs whats expected when it comes to it so I was rather chilled through the process ….Two days ago I put a food mixing bowl under the bike and drained all the oil as the bike was just used and I thought I’ll make use of the fact that the engine is still hot. Tonight I picked up my service consumables so I made a start. It’s hit just over 6k and I’ve done four of those so watched a u tube video on valve clearance, did that, 
put covers back on, filled new filter with oil:white_check_mark:, torqued up, oily rag wiped the surroundings, then I filled it with fresh castrol given to me by another ex 9T owner for free, stopped part way to let it settle……
All of the sudden my bike ramp was overflowing with oil, it was pouring down onto the carpeted floor, the drain bowl was brimming and I NEVER FITTED THE BLOODY SUMP PLUG!! Arghhhh. I ran over to my saw dust bag (knocking over the empty wine glass and smashing it) then shovelling all the stuff over the oil!
So I truly deserve a kicking, but it was funny though and good job wife was away for the week as the multifuel stove was filled with sawdust and half gallon of evidence oil to get rid of!!
Ha ha, did that with the mk1 wife’s datsun years ago. I wondered why there was none on the dipstick when I checked it. Fortunately the catcher was big enough and I was able to cover my tracks…
What a great idea for a new thread and I look forward to “Nob of the week” next week, it might even be me!
I used to work on Triumph cars back in the late 80s and did something similar changing the oil and filter on a Stag. I took it for a test run after completing the service and left a trail of oil up the road because I forgot to tighten the oil filter canister. 
Luckily I didn’t go far enough to do any damage but my name was mud for weeks after. 
That happens…
The all time winner is the husband of one of a former work colleague (in 1997-98)
She drove (at that time) a recent Renault Megane diesel. And the husband thought he was a top mechanic.
He decided to drain the engine oil, then refill with the correct quantity of engine oil.
Then my colleague started the car, and ran at work… The car smoked, and the engine rev at high rpm, she turned off and… the engine was still revving very high until it broke.
The genius actually drained the gearbox, and refill the engine that had twice the oil quantity in ! (and he didn’t even check, he thought he was so expert). As it was a diesel the oil started to flow up into the chambers due to high pression, and as it was warm enough it auto ran endlessly.
End of story for the car, and the relationship.
fun fact, months later she dated and finally married a professional mechanic. 
About 35 years ago, I helped a mate, Alan, build a detached garage alongside his house. I suggested to him that as it was a new build, it would be easy to dig out a pit for car servicing. Of course, as a keen mini owner, he jumped at the idea and we got the job done. We all lived on a recent housing estate and the word got round that for a couple of cans of beer the pit would be available for a Saturday morning. A new boy in town heard about the pit and arranged his appointment, Alan was out early that morning, but left the garage unlocked. He came home later that morning to see the back end of a Reliant Robin at a very strange angle…
You couldn’t make that up could ya. That definitely gets my vote for top knob 
It took three of us to unwedge it and roll it out of the garage. It was a write off as all the front end was stoved in. (He’d had to kick his way out of the back) still make me laugh out loud!
A fourtnight ago I changed my airfilter, and to so so had to take the fuel tank off. As I was on my way to the dealers for my test ride today the bike packed in on the motorway… no tools, so rang the AA. I had not put the fuel line back on properly… 5 minute job, but a trifle embarrassing.
… 
Could have been worse, could have been raining 
Bad luck mate. Good job those recovery chaps do lol 
My own fault for cutting corners at reassembly Steve… 
I would like to bestow this award on the driver I followed when I nipped out earlier with his vehicle festooned with “baby on board” signs and stickers telling you not to tailgate…who mercilessly and aggressively tailgated the L plate scooter rider in a 30mph limit. Then when the scooter rider turned off at a roundabout put his foot down to catch the car in front, braked hard and did the same. As the road then turned into a NSL he…proceeded to drive at 45mph, brake - checking the car (presumably for tailgating him) who had got in between his car and mine at the roundabout the scooter had turned off at. What a knob.
I’ve never worked out what those signs are about. Is is ‘beware, expect erratic driving because I distracted’ or ‘please don’t crash into me and hurt my baby’. If the later, please explain why I’m going to be more concerned about the safety of a stranger’s baby than my own or my passengers safety.
I have heard it started years ago in the US to alert emergency services that there could be a child in the vehicle in the event of an accident but don’t know whether that was just a myth. But then it makes no sense to leave one on the vehicle all the time unless the child is in the vehicle every time it is driven.
If it means “have caution because there is a child in here” then I am absolutely with you - I always drive courteously, but mainly for the safety of me and my passengers rather than because I think there may be a child in the car in front.
I agree. Had the conversation with someone a while ago about the effect those signs actually have. They argued that it must be worthwhile because people will take extra care knowing a ‘baby is onboard’. I suggested that was a naive view and asserted that people who tailgate don’t do it based on the occupants, they do it because they’re poor drivers.
I believe this is an example of critical thinking versus some idealistic sense of the world provided by Disney. 
Too many to recount, so heres one, rebuilding the Suzuki after the rebore and new pistons I spent the whole afternoon getting it all together, not just the engine but the carbs tank and all ready for a test start next morning.
Tidying away my tools I found two sealing washers that should have been installed between the barrels and the head.
When I was younger I gave a mate a shot on my Yamaha DT125 to nip down the town. He was gone to long and when he got back the wise man had to confess the bike had stopped and he couldnt get it to restart. As panic set in and he’d kicked it till he couldnt anymore, a moment of clarity made him check the position of the Petcock. “Off.”
Good job the missus was there with the camera, or it didnt happen 
They should have a sticker on the other side saying, “Darwin is my co-pilot”.
Looks like I’m putting this nob forward for the award My trophy had a problem after filling up at a supermarket fuel stop. Perhaps it was bad fuel, off I went to halford to get some containers to drain the fuel into. Drained the full tank and stank of petrol (I hate it), headed off to esso with a canister to put some non ethanol fuel in the bike. No change, stripped the rack, side panels, tank and heat shields off, and checked connections. All fine, checked the resistance of the HT leads in case one had gone faulty (as before). All within a reasonable range. So off I go to the local bike shop to buy some sparkplugs. Back home, installed plugs, put it back together. Oh err that doesn’t sound right, wouldn’t start. Stopped trying pretty quickly, I’d obviously done summit wrong. Gave up, I’ll deal with it another day. That day was today, off with the tank and gubbins (technical that), bloody muppet, I’d swapped 3 and 4 cylinders HT leads… Feck, feck feck. I should not be allowed to work on vehicles without supervision.
On the plus it seems to be running ok at a standstill, still got to put the rest of the gubbins back on before a test ride. 