We’ve all heard this one: “I don’t ride bikes - I’d just end up milking myself! :haha!” unamused:
What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve heard someone say about motorcycles, whether bikers pretenders?
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I don’t get this one but it might be because of my age 
“It’s law to rev your engine when kids egg you on!”
WTF!!
“Milking myself” ???
I remember a post many moons ago on a bulletin board where some knob jockey had fitted expansion chambers to his Kawasaki triple. Not only had it made it more powerful, he claimed the bike could now hit 70 mph at lower rpm. It’s a very good can indeed which can alter gearing 
Maybe it couldn’t pull 70 in 6th normally and could only clean rev through to reach 70 in 5th🤔
You’re just organ donors…
Always hated that bs!
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Your empathetic view does you great credit. I just think the bloke was a twat talking out of his arse 
I have a colleague that claims he couldn’t have one because he’d end up hurting himself as he would just try everything he has seen others do and would ride too fast, try wheelies etc straight away. Having seen him drive I would say that excessive speed isn’t really an issue he has. In fact last time we drove home the same way on the motorway he commented the next day that it had taken me longer than usual to come past him (in my car) 
.
Translation - “I am not brave enough to try riding (or don’t want to) but what I am actually implying is that I am so manly, brave and fearless that I simply can’t trust myself to control that courage that burns within”.
Another male colleague when the weather looks like it will be horrible “I am pleased it’s going to be bad, means I don’t have to worry about you out on that bike”. Also worries about me riding to work every day and mentions it most days when I ride in. I did ask whether he would exhibit the same concern over a male colleague… (It’s exceptionally well meaning, but misplaced).
As a female most male non - riders view you as probably less able to control a bike than they would be. My male colleague that does ride (a Triumph…good choice) treats it as perfectly normal, because it is (and not once have I heard any of our other male colleagues express their concern over him having a bike).
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Your translation is spot-on. My answer these days is, usually said with a big smile, “so you believe you’re too incompetant to handle a motorcycle? Probably for the best then.” Sufferering fools gladly is not one of my strong points. 
Well meaning doesn’t make it chivalry, unfortunately; It’s still inequality. But a gentle landing for people like that doesnt’ seem unreasonalble. I know around here we all wish each other safe travels irrespective of gender, race or nationality. Bikes unite us all. 
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The owner of my local bike shop told me that one day, as he was riding in to work a car pulled out in front of him. He narrowly avoided a collision and pulled level with the offending car and confronted the driver. The drivers reply was " well, you do realise that cars have priority over motorcycles don’t you" ?
There just isn’t any polite answer to that.
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The most common and ridiculous phrase I reckon is “I didn’t see you”.
WTF, I had this recently. A women pulled out of a junction right across me. I managed to stop the bike about two feet from her car. She drove off so I followed her and at the next junction pulled alongside her car. She looked shaken and opened the window and said I’m really sorry I didn’t see you.
Stupid woman could have caused serious injury, but just used the phrase, which makes it ok, NOT 
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It’s called a SMIDSY (Sorry Mate I Didn’t See You). Do a Google, there’s quite a lot of interesting science behind it and as a biker it’s well worth knowing.
Just because she didn’t see you doesn’t necessarily mean she didn’t look. It’s all to do with the way our eyes and brain are wired together. When we turn our heads to look at things, we ‘see’ a smooth sharp image, but the reality isn’t like that. The reality is our eyes take a series of snap shots and our brain fills in the gaps with information it already has. If it didn’t work like this, then our vision would go blurry every time we looked around because our brain can’t process that much data instantly.
In addition our brain is hard-wired to recognise threats, so if it was a van or car coming down the road then there’s a high chance that our brain will see it because of it’s threat level, but if it’s a motorcycle or cyclist or pedestrian then if our brain is going to miss something out, then it’s likely to be one of these.
That’s why when looking to pull out of a junction, look at least twice. That way you double your chances of picking up more relevant threats. It may be that first time around the motorbike looked fairly small and non-threatening so was ignored, but second time around it was closer and bigger and therefore recognised. It’s why we’re sometimes surprised - “blimey, where did that come from!”.
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It’s also why it’s worth “making eye contact”.
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Also no consolation when you’re reduced to a greasy smear up the side of a Volvo (other makes of cars containing myopic twats are available too)
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When you see a car in a side road, veer across and back in your lane, if that makes sense. We are far more capable of picking up and processing lateral movement. Things coming straight towards us catch us out. It’s called looming, we don’t appreciate how quickly they’re approaching. Ask King Harold, it did for him! 
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No but a severe beating at the side of the road may help!
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Yes you are correct about the reasons drivers do not see bikes at junctions, it is called:
Saccadic Masking and Fixations.
This is why drivers don’t see motorcycles.
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With or without Hi-vis
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Complete waste of time. Riding around looking like Terry Fuckwit won’t help you, especially if you have a headlight on. Trust your ability, never depend on a bright green coat.
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It’s not just bikes that some of them don’t see. Last year I was following a very visible big white van along a dual carriageway trunk road when the driver of a small car, stationary in a side road, decided it would be a good idea to pull across the main road to the opposite carriageway. The van driver had to brake very hard to avoid a collision. There’s no accounting for stupidity.
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